Last year my mother and I had an encounter with a career con-artist who abused our trust and tried to steal from us. What she didn't know was that somebody else had tried the same thing earlier and failed at it due to a stupid mistake. So my mom was able to catch her at it. I thought I was so savvy and good at judging people, but I fell for her lies hook, line ,and sinker. This caused me to not be able to trust anyone to help me except then one person I knew and trusted implicitly. Then I took a bad fall the Sunday after Thanksgiving when I developed a sudden and quite scary weakness in my legs. It turns out I had another bad skin condition and this was similar to an incident my mom had four years ago. The hospital stay had subsequent round of physical therapy taught me to trust people to help me again. I now have a wonderful assistance person who constantly goes the extra mile for me and is a happily married father of an adorable baby boy. The con-artist was taken to trial and convicted. While it wasn't the verdict I wanted, at least she won't be hurting anyone else. But this has brought up something that is troubling me.
Recently the credit cards t my mom's bank, the one I'll be using once my finances are straightened out, were hacked. This is an roadblock in my financial situation because I don't want my money to be stolen by some hacker ring. I've read an article about modern day hacking and computer security so I know a little about how it works. I don't think my money will be safe until after this situation is fixed. But this situation has brought up two points which have really affected my mindset and my will to write. Both things were pointed out to me very strongly in no uncertain terms.
The first was that due to an incident involving money in my past I couldn't be trusted with my own money. The second was that due to an incident in somebody else's past, that I should consider certain things as "too good to be true" and not trust them. I was lectured like I was a naïve five year old who's being told not to get into the van with the man who offers me candy. I used to think I was allowed to make my own decisions and give people he benefit of the doubt. But apparently in the wake of the con-artist's abuse of my trust that is no longer true. And that is causing me to second guess everything I do, even writing. So until I can figure this out and stop being insecure about everything I will be taking a break from writing. I will still blog and correspond with my friends on Facebook but all work on my projects will stop until further notice. I'm sorry, but this is the way it has to be. I can't write until I'm confident in my abilities again.
James Thomson.
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